We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
