i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
