tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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