true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
