this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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