remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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