He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
