I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
