It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i've created a new STD.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
