I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
