Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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