ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't want my vagina anymore.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
