"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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