I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
