pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
