he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
