In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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