i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I skipped work to stalk him.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
