She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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