You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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