There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
