Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
