Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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