So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
