Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
