He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have already put on my inside pants.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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