I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize