I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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