matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
