Pappa wants mamma naked
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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