I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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