Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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