Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
