Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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