i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
