i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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