Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
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