Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
