That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
