No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
