this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
