im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
