Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
