why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
