im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize