So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
