youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize