I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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