I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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