Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
