I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
