I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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