i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
