I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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