I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
