looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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