This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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