im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
