i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
