every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize