i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
