i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
