I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Are we still banned from the library?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
