ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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