I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
