Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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